Just enjoy seating down

Turns out, after sitting for hours, sitting is the thing that is least enjoyable in the history of humanity

I saw someone itt say that it speeds up deplaning for them to rush to the front like you're saying.

It likely does. The chaotic bumrush wouldn't be permitted by the airlines if it didn't work. The sense of panic in promotes is probably good for deplaning averages.
Like so many things that are good for corporations, it's very damn unpleasant for customers.

I have kids now so some of this applies less but!

I totally agree with you. I don't usually have a checked bag when it's just me, so there's no waiting around the baggage claim to look forward to. I DO NOT stop to pull my overhead bag. I've either got it under my seat, already pulled it from the overhead, or I fuckin eyeball that thing like there's about to be a missile intercept (because there is) and I grab and pull while I walk. Once I leave my seat there is no pause. In the same way, if I'm inside on the window, I'm watching for space and when middle seat moves I follow. None of this "oh shit I forgot the light turned green".

Even now with kids we are only slightly slower than that. I have to let the gremlins (who you probably didn't know were on the plane because they've been hyper entertained out of their fuckin minds) be line leader to walk off the plane and I need enough time to stand up and get the bags off the seat behind me onto my body to urban pack mule that shit out of here.

What I'm NOT doing is texting my boyfriend oblivious to the cues being presented to me, smashing through the line because I'm an inconsiderate fuckwit, or standing up when it's my turn and gazing into the overheads like I'm lost in the Arby's menu. Stage your shit and get the fuck off the plane without stopping, then walk like you got some place to be or move to the side. No big deal.

More importantly than any of that though, I've got this really weird superpower where I can listen to what the fuck the FAs say. If someone needs to get off the plane first, I can stay seated and wait for them to haul ass off the plane. Or at least I would, except it's always like a herd of cattle with no awareness instantly reacting to the sound of the seatbelt light turning off no matter what.

You had the entire flight to walk to the pisser and back to your seat for as many times as you wish, but now , exactly at the last and most annoying moment, you absolutely can't sit down for 5 fucking minutes? The door will open at the same time.

You have no idea what opportunity I had, not that it matters. I want to stretch and I have zero idea why it bothers you or anyone else here declaring it a crime.

No, it doesn't speed up deplaning for some asshole to block me from getting my bag down and make me have to wait until later because they think they're special. It's a line and they're skipping it.

Because it's a cramped space.
People who get up when the plane touches ground are going to be standing in the walkway with their bags and butts pressed against other people for all the time it takes for the plane to taxi in and connect the doors to the terminal or stairs.

They do not get out faster.

Being ready to go means faster by definition and also how is anyone in the aisle's butt pressed against people in middle and window seats? That doesn't make any sense

Ps. you're not allowed to stand while taxiing is occurring.

Vote with your wallet (wherever possible)

It's not complicated. You just said you're in no hurry. Unless you have a window seat, you couldn't possibly not be slowing others down.

My point still stands. Everyone is living their own lives and have their reasons for being in a hurry. Not everyone is a chill dude like you.

I've travelled for work all my life, I've flied idk, hundreds of times, my luggage got lost exactly one time, when I got a connection in Switzerland, they left it on the tarmac. Luckily it was my toolbox, not my personal bag.

Another time my luggage lost me, meaning they loaded it on an earlier flight and then cancelled mine, so my luggage got to destination and I didn't. That was on a flight from Miami to New York.

I’ve had my luggage lost twice, and they don’t pay you back for that.

Excuse me?

Are you making assumptions or do you have stats on this?

If they managed where luggage was stored in the overhead, they could reduce it 10 fold. The whole wait is because people need to go back x rows past people standing to get their luggage. Even if they made everyone sit and deboard in zones it could be way faster.

If you did you would've shared them.

The other consideration it has is on net luggage weight. Yeah, they're still checking bags for "free" but they're smaller and lighter - saving fuel by increasing efficiency. And that's also a good thing from a pollution point!

Where's Chapter 2?

Best ones are those who can't actually get to the aisle so they're standing with their heads ducked under the overhead compartments.