I'm a Christian pastor happily married to an atheist, AMA.

My experience has been the exact opposite!

I suspect it's a cultural thing, though. I'm British, but I know America has a very aggressive evangelical base. There are mega-churches and politicians and sports people are always talking about God and Jesus and we just don't have that over here.

On the other hand, a few atheists I know have tried to "convert" me before.

I'm guessing it's a certainty thing. From what I've seen of the American churches, some of them are absolutely borderline cults. So of course the folk are certain that they're right.

And there's certainly enough ammunition in religion as a whole for anyone who hates religion to think that they're right.

My experience is the opposite, it's always Christians bringing it up, often by judging others' actions out loud.

Never had any of the other Abrahamitic denominations try to convert me, although I was approached by a Hare Krishna recruiter once.

They are no more judge than other system of belief imo. I've always found they are respectful about it tho.

I was referring to a specific Abrahamic denomination. The one that had their profit marrying a 9 year old.

As an internet and real-life atheist ...yeah. Most atheists just don't talk much about their non-belief, because there isn't much to talk about, so in dedicated atheism communities, you mostly see those that are almost anti-theist...

Your description was clear, our experiences seem to differ.

In case you're worried we have different frames of reference: The way you're trying to implicate Islam in denigrating terms is not respectful. In analogous phrasing, the Christian denominations are based around glorifying human sacrifice.

How did the marriage ceremony go, who officiated the marriage, was it a religious leader or another type of official. I am really curious because I want my Christian GF to have the wedding of her dreams and I am not sure how to approach the topic. I have no issues but I am scared a pastor or similar might have because I am atheist

Someone brought up religion, or god. Is it the athiests?

I will absolutely push back if something brings up religion.

It would be silly if a Christian tried to convert you, an already converted Christian. Maybe there's some confirmation bias at work?

"Which one?“

Bullet dodged.

What did the atheists try to "convert" you to?

Were you both Christian and your partner fell out of it?

No, she never was Christian, nor anything else for that matter.

I've seen a pastor hold a nice opening without any direct religious references

Do you believe your wife will go to hell?

Is she agnostic or does she believe there is no god?

Most people are probably agnostic anyway

It always starts from the assumption that I'm an atheist too. They're all friends, by the way, so don't picture some kind of weird high-pressure pitches on the street.

Also I want to make it clear that I'm not trying to conflate being atheist and being anti-religious - my friend in this story however is in the "religion is ultimately the cause of every war in history" camp.

Anyway, very basically, I'd done something nice. Another work friend was talking about it, and my anti-religion friend responded with "see, he's an objectively nice person, no religion needed or anything". And it was at this point I revealed my secret identity, and the discussion began.

Just for balance, over my 44 years, I've also had a Scientology pitch, a Jehovah's Witnesses pitch (old-school knocking on the door style), and an uncomfortably high-pressure pitch from what I'm sure was one of those churches set up to scam immigrants.

But outside of those, the main people who have tried to change me have been friends with strong anti-religious views.

I live in France, where it's illegal to have a religious marriage without having a civil one first. As a pastor, I have to ask a proof that the people I religiously marries are already married civilly. I agree theologically with that, as protestants don't marry people, they bless an already existing marriage.

So we had both. To be honest, in France, civil marriages are quite dull: it takes 5 minutes, the mayor or their deputy reads the law, asks for consent, makes the people sign, and it's the next couple's turn. It's very administrative. There's a little decorum, but just a little.

So, even for people without strong belief, the ritual makes the marriage something special. It was the case for my spouse, at least. She's atheist, but she respects my faith, as I respect her atheism; she knew it was important for me, so that made it important for her.

I would warn you though: if your girlfriend is Catholic, you'll have yo promise to raise your children in the Catholic faith. If your girlfriend is evangelical, they may ask you to testify of your faith. I'd say to discuss this with her first very openly, and test the waters with her priest/pastor. 90% are cool people, with whom you'll be able to be open, and they won't refuse you as long as they don't sense that you opposes the whole thing. 10% are assholes; I'd advice you to look for an other one; if it's the one your girlfriend wants, lie to them (as long as your girlfriend agrees with that). You don't marry for the officiant, you owe them nothing.

It's almost as if no group is a monolith and people who like to abuse power seek positions of power regardless of the structure they are in

Do you believe your wife will go to hell?

No. I don't believe in all that “you have to confess Jesus as your personal lord and saviour to avoid hell” crap. It's in fact something not very widespread outside evangelicalism. I believe the Cross is working mysteriously, far outside the frontier of the visible Church. A God who condemns people that doesn't recognize him is not a loving God, it's a pervert. I believe that “to confess Jesus as my personal lord and saviour” is a way to live a better life here and now, and I don't expect an eternal reward for that.

Is she agnostic or does she believe there is no god?

I'd say she's agnostic atheist. She doesn't know if God exist, but believes he does not, and in fact doesn't care.