Relatable

"Sit near me"

"Fuck you"

I’m pretty sure the thought process of my cat (if he has any, which I’m not entirely sure of) is this :

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!

Motherfucker!
Uh!

Or the opposite -- you wake up with the cat sleeping on your chest, nose three inches from yours, and you're like: "I just want to roll over and now I can't!"

Meowing in the name of

Cats are cunts

I have male and female and only female does this. Anyone relates?

Or you've been sitting in the same place for an hour and the cat instinctively knows when you're about to get up for something necessary like peeing or going to an appointment, and chooses that moment to snuggle up so you'll look like the asshole.

Ours love pets and scratches and get super happy when we come home or when I/we sit down so a lap is available to jump in

Bridge:

Now I'm eating your corpse,

(I won't do what you tell me),

<repeat, starting from whisper getting louder>

Don't pat the bed. Instead, pit your hand under the sheets and scratch your finger tips on the bed like a mouse running around. They'll jump right over every time
L

My cat greets me at the door, jumps on me, enjoys walking on a leash, and comes when called.

Needless to say, I can't relate. I think he accidently had dog software installed at the factory.