Been there
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I initially thought this was about people being pretentious assholes at parties.
The comments suggest it is about sensory issues.
I can relate to both, but I’m surprised on the majority take here.
I can't hear anyone talk in a room with a bunch of people talking. I used to feel bad about this but now I simply don't care. If I don't get it the first time I just tell them I'm sorry I can't process individual speech in a room full of conversation. I've wasted enough of my life worrying about it.
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I got one co-worker that's a low talker and I've had to ask her to repeat so many times, most of the time now I just politely nod and say yeah hoping she wasn't asking a question and laugh when she laughs after finishing a sentence.
Either way I look like a dick.
wrote last edited by [email protected]It’s the same rules as when someone over-estimates your fluency in another language. When I was first learning Spanish, I asked people to slow down all the time because I couldn’t keep up. It seems most people are good at honoring that - at first. But at a certain point, they go back to their normal speed (or volume.) So I had to either constantly ask people to slow down, or just smile and nod through clumps of words that sped by in a blur and hope I interpreted the speaker’s tone correctly.
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If you're talking too quiet the first time, I ask you to speak louder.
If you don't speak louder the second time, I assume you don't actually have anything important to say.
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"Sensory issues" as in, can't hear what someone is saying. Why would a pretentious asshole keep asking someone to repeat themselves?
I was thinking the person talking is pretentious and repeating themselves. So the listener might sarcastically ask to hear about it some more (or throw themselves out of a window.)
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I got one co-worker that's a low talker and I've had to ask her to repeat so many times, most of the time now I just politely nod and say yeah hoping she wasn't asking a question and laugh when she laughs after finishing a sentence.
Either way I look like a dick.
Oh god I worked with someone like that, a whisperer. When I asked her to speak up, she would make exaggerated mouth movements as if I was a lip-reader. Later on she moved into broadcasting and I was pleased to see (and hear) that they had taught her to use her vocal cords.
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My general guide on this:
If you didn't hear me the first time, I assume it's 100% my fault.
If you didn't hear me the second time, I assume it's 50% my fault.
If you didn't hear me the third time or there after, I assume it's 100% your fault.
...if someone asks me to repeat myself immediately, without pause, i presume they're too f*cking lazy to parse phonemes nor to respect communication as mutual effort, and move on to a better use of my time...
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If you're talking too quiet the first time, I ask you to speak louder.
If you don't speak louder the second time, I assume you don't actually have anything important to say.
You and my grad school advisor would have gotten along well.
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...if someone asks me to repeat myself immediately, without pause, i presume they're too f*cking lazy to parse phonemes nor to respect communication as mutual effort, and move on to a better use of my time...
or have a hearing disorder. congratulations on exposing yourself.
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My rule of thumb has long been:
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try to listen to what they say.
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if I don't hear/can't understand initially then ask them to repeat it, but only once.
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if I still don't hear/can't understand just nod and smile as if I did understand, and listen to the next things they say to try to figure out what I missed in steps 1 and 2. The key is: if you do figure it out that late, mask that revelation and instead pretend you knew along.
You'd be surprised how infrequently I've been called out when going past step 3. I've reached that point a few dozen times over the years. But I've been caught out... maybe once? If they ask a follow-up question I just bullshit my way past it and then try changing the topic.
i'm very very mildly hard of hearing (tinnitus. i'm a musician and didn't protect myself in my teens. now i get to read lips to process about 1/3 of oral communication!) so i got that going for me. there's always a few pair of hearos in my bag now.
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I got one co-worker that's a low talker and I've had to ask her to repeat so many times, most of the time now I just politely nod and say yeah hoping she wasn't asking a question and laugh when she laughs after finishing a sentence.
Either way I look like a dick.
Can you politely tell her that you have trouble hearing her often and that she may need to speak up whenever she communicates with you? You can blame it on your own hearing to prevent offense.
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My general guide on this:
If you didn't hear me the first time, I assume it's 100% my fault.
If you didn't hear me the second time, I assume it's 50% my fault.
If you didn't hear me the third time or there after, I assume it's 100% your fault.
I think everyone follows this guide, regardless of whether or not they speak more clearly on the repeats.
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Can you politely tell her that you have trouble hearing her often and that she may need to speak up whenever she communicates with you? You can blame it on your own hearing to prevent offense.
Brace yourself for them suggesting you get a hearing aid instead.
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...if someone asks me to repeat myself immediately, without pause, i presume they're too f*cking lazy to parse phonemes nor to respect communication as mutual effort, and move on to a better use of my time...
Sometimes I just take half a second longer to process what I heard, which forces me to say "can you repeat that" immediately after they talked, only to them finally have a response. It's not cause I hate you, it's cause I'm dumb or some shit that idk why it's causing it. It was really bad for me in middle school, I used to joke with my friends I'm partially deaf or smth. So like please don't be an ass, if I did wanna hear you I'd just be like "cool I guess."
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Brace yourself for them suggesting you get a hearing aid instead.
Yeah, that's true. I can hear super well, but my wires definitely get crossed when there's lots of other sounds. Hearing aids wouldn't help me, mostly.
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If someone has to ask you a second time to repeat yourself, you should feel embarassed and apologetic, not them.
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Can you politely tell her that you have trouble hearing her often and that she may need to speak up whenever she communicates with you? You can blame it on your own hearing to prevent offense.
It's been 3 years lol
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When 2 people who have 2 different native languages and are both not english, attempting to communicate via english
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or have a hearing disorder. congratulations on exposing yourself.
wrote last edited by [email protected]...i have absolutely no problem repeating myself for people who make a sincere effort at listening, which every one of my hearing-impaired friends do, including myself...people who interrupt with a 'huh?' mid-sentence, without even a moment to parse what they've heard, i reciprocate with exactly the same effort they commit to the conversation...
...social mooches are a boorish burden upon everyone around them...
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I was thinking the person talking is pretentious and repeating themselves. So the listener might sarcastically ask to hear about it some more (or throw themselves out of a window.)
Ah, the other person is pretentious! Got it
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...if someone asks me to repeat myself immediately, without pause, i presume they're too f*cking lazy to parse phonemes nor to respect communication as mutual effort, and move on to a better use of my time...
Or you mumble and refuse to work on speaking clearly and blame everyone else for it. But either way they don’t have to be suffering through you anymore so it’s a win win.
